Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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