You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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