ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
