scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
