I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
