I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
