lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
