I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
