Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
