Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
