she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
