I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
