Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
