My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
