took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
