Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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