our cab driver is having phone sex.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize