1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
More tranny stories later!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
