Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
