Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
