Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
