dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
