Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
