Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
