his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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