Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
