I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
worst night to have a conscience
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
