...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we're making bets on your personal life
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
