I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
