If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
