i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
