Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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