have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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