btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
