please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
