something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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