All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
