The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
