just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
