We won't sleep together?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
