I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
