Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
