marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
