You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
