I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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