I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
