sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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