FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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