Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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