Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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