he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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