I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i wish my penis had a tongue
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm having to shit out rocks
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
