well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
