i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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