I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
