she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
