yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
