If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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