fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
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we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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