I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
