All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she smelled like a LAN party
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize