You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
