i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
