"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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