I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
