I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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